Wednesday, September 2, 2009

The hardest thing

My greatest challenge has been the need to always be right. I don’t know if I acquired this over the years, or whether I have had the problem for a long time. I can remember a time when I was naïve and innocent, when it did not enter into my mind whether or not I was right.

I discovered the problem only recently, when with certain people who really irritated me. The source of the irritation was that they felt they were always right. After I had some time to consider this, I realized that while it may be true that they had a problem, it was me who had it worse. What a terrible insight. The source of my irritation was really me.

I cannot say that I have mastered this beast for ever more, but I have slaughtered it a few times. Each time has led me to greater vigilance. I am more aware when it starts to sneak up on me once again. I consciously watch it sneak out of the ashes of where I burned it last. I let it rise up and then watch it go, without giving it voice. I am thankful for the strength one more time. Attention, attention, attention.

1 comment:

  1. ---- oh i have the same issue :) --- thanks for this text as a reminder of it --- it is hard sometimes to let go --- as you say ---attention is the key --- sorry if i irritated you :D ---